AKA Clegg, Harry and the Hookers



1969, Directed by Lindsay Shonteff

“This cool cat calls the shots!” Cool cat? He looks like a supply teacher.

This film is what happens when low brow meets low budgets. When the narrator says that there’s plenty of feedback, he probably means the microphone wasn’t plugged in correctly during filming.

Favourite bit: The purring farmer, who is punched and then run over.

IMDB LINK

AKA If All the Women in the World



1966, Directed by Henry Levin and Arduino Maiuri

This James Bond spoof looks like it could be a whole heap o’ fun. Or it could be a load of old crap for all I know, as it never seems to have been released to the home market. A pity as I’m always ready to watch a film featuring strangely hyphenated cad Terry-Thomas.

What’s the deal with all the bananas? Is it supposed to be some kind of visual innuendo? Or did some idiot in marketing see a survey which said people are more likely to watch a film if the trailer features repeated banana imagery?

Dull trivia: According to various semi-reliable sources, the plot of this film was partially inspired by the James Bond book Moonraker, and therefore has some similarities to the Moonraker movie released thirteen years later.

Favourite bit: The bad guy’s laboratory full of frozen women, which is surprisingly inventive and visually impressive. Although the shootout on the big Jesus statue in Rio looked pretty good as well.

IMDB LINK

AKA Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Hooker’s Revenge, Thriller



1974, Directed by Bo Arne Vibenius

A brutal revenge thriller where a woman who suffers rape, torture and mutilation violently murders those responsible. Mostly using a magic slow-motion shotgun and a lot of screaming.

This astonishingly unpleasant movie has the dubious honour of being the first film banned in Sweden, even after having 21 minutes of footage cut. But is it still too horrible to be accepted by modern audiences? Well, two versions are currently available on DVD. The yellow version is the standard release, whilst the red version (using the alternate ‘A Cruel Picture’ title) is the full, uncensored cut with all the original violence and hardcore pornography in place. These days you actually get to choose how much nastiness you see! That’s progress for you.

Dull Movie Fact! Apparently this movie partially inspired Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill - You can certainly see similarity in the storylines. Daryl Hannah’s ‘Elle Driver’ character was based on One Eye herself.

Favourite bit: The ridiculous little piano tune when the caption appears right at the end. Sounds like it was stolen from a horror B-movie.

IMDB LINK