AKA The Iron Master



1983, Directed by Umberto Lenzi

From the master of horror who brought you Cannibal Ferox, it’s… something completely different! And our first trailer that’s entirely in French.

From what I can tell - Some caveman types have trouble with stock footage of animals, then discover iron, which they fashion into weapons and use to kill people in monkey suits. Then they start killing each other. Unfortunately, the French I learned at school didn’t stretch to rubbish movies with unconvincing wigs.

I haven’t been able to ascertain if this movie is available on DVD or not. There is a widely available disc called ‘Iron Master’ but there’s no confirmation as to what film it actually is.

Favourite bit: The ridiculous tootling backing music, complete with iffy choral voices.

IMDB LINK

1970, Directed by Pasquale Festa Campanile

Hurry, hurry, hurry away from the cinema before this load of tosh is shown!

Some “wacky” cavemen provide low-quality slapstick, poop jokes and a hint of pornography and homophobia! Classy. And to further add to the class, the trailer sells the movie on the possibility that you’ll see the breasts of respected German actress Senta Berger.

The good news is that there is no DVD release of this movie, so it can’t be bought for you by a spiteful relative at Christmas. But tragically, this steaming pile of concentrated horribleness spawned a sequel - When Women Lost Their Tails. WHY?

Favourite bit: When it ended.

IMDB LINK