Have you seen Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior? If not, ask the people who produced this movie about it. They seem to have studied it fairly closely…
Wheels of Fire looks like a heady mix of Mad Max 2, Mad Max 2, softcore pornography and Mad Max 2. With the addition of the Morlocks from H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine running about on a bridge.
A huge cast of extras and some fairly impressive looking car smashes feature alongside some utterly appalling acting. Has there ever been a post-apocalyptic daytime soap opera? If not, I’ve no idea where they found the cast for this.
Incidentally, what is going on around 1:38? It looks like the beginnings of a very odd sex scene indeed.
Favourite bit: The hero apparently jumping off a twenty-foot-high tower and landing safely by slightly bending his knees. IMDB LINK
Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity
1987, Directed by Ken Dixon
Hmmm… Slaves from beyond infinity all look like models, wear only bikinis and have naturally occurring make-up? So that’s why Buzz Lightyear was always talking about going there.
This space-fantasy-meets-ultra-softcore-porno seems to have its tongue firmly planted in its cheek, which is a very good thing indeed. Especially when you have robots with shoulderpads.
The plot is based around The Most Dangerous Game so we can safely assume the crossbow-wielding villain is hunting the escaped slaves for sport. Most ungentlemanly. Let’s hope the hairspray-addicted heroines triumph in the end! You know, like they inevitably will.
Bizarre trailer editing decision: Watch the alien hunchback being killed by a magic exploding mace, then immediately cut to it alive and being shot in the shoulder.
Favourite bit: “Have you got a knife?” “Only this!” “…It’ll have to do.” IMDB LINK
The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak
AKAGwendoline
1984, Directed by Just Jaeckin
Stupid title? Check. Bad acting? Check. Crap dialogue? Check. Sexist tosh? Check. Crappy sub-music-video sets? Check. Looks good? Does it Heck…
This trailer screams “eighties!” from every orifice, and not in a good way. And much of it makes no sense - what’s the deal with the grape on a string and the flying trident at the end? Why would you put such a meaningless scene into a promotional trailer? Why am I wasting time thinking about this?
This movie looks like a complete pile of steaming horse excrement. I’m not sure I can think of anything I’d like to see less than this. I think this may count as an anti-trailer, in fact.
AKA Atlantis Inferno, The Atlantis Interceptors, Atlantis
1983, Directed by Ruggero Deodato
This whole film looks like a bad eighties music video. Adam and the Ants do Mad Max.
So… Some guys find a lost island full of punk types. An evil chap puts on a stupid transparent plastic skull mask. A lot of shooting and explosions occur. A sphinx statue shoots lasers from it’s eyes, the plastic skull mask is smashed, and they find a young woman sitting in an early Doctor Who set. Then they drive off in a bus and escape in a helicopter. Hasn’t the trailer shown us the whole film in a heavily condensed form?
Favourite bit: Near the end, where some twit rides his bike off a jetty on purpose.
