AKA Things from the Dead, Revenge of the Living Dead, Zombie Graveyard



1972, Directed by Bob Clark

Complete with unnecessary funfair music and a voice over from Vincent Cut-Price, it’s yet another rubbish zombie film!

This ultra-low-budget shocker looks dreadful from the trailer, but seems to receive mostly positive reviews. Maybe it has a good plot or something. I wonder if any explanation is given for why the titular Children appear to be in their mid-thirties…

Odd trivia fact: The smiling, bearded chap called Alan went on to write some of Disney’s Mulan.

Favourite bit: Jeffy’s face pulling at the start. It looks like he’s trying to move his face after some heavy dental anaesthetic.

IMDB LINK

AKA AKA The Devil’s Longest Night, Vampire Playgirls, Succubus, Nightmare of Terror, The Devil Walks at Midnight, Castle of Terror



1971, Directed by Jean Brismée

Oh no, not a Devil’s Nightmare! That’s the very worst kind of nightmare!

So we have a combination of priests, creepy gap-toothed men, heavily made-up succubi and people drowning in gold dust. And a lot of silence with not much happening. Let’s face it - all we really have is an incredibly dull trailer for a badly dubbed French film.

Favourite bit: “If you helped me a little, instead of staring like that!”

IMDB LINK

AKA Angel Warriors 2



1971, Directed by Michael Levesque

Disappointingly the ‘wheels’ mentioned in the title refer to motorcycles, not rollerblades.

A gang of bikers turn into werewolves after encountering some kind of devil-worshipping sect. And… That’s about it, really. It does what it says on the tin, I suppose.

According to the voice-over chap this is “The most unusual and exciting horror motorcycle film yet made”. But near the end, he says it’s the first horror motorcycle film ever made. It’s not difficult to make the most unusual and exciting movie in a genre when it’s the only example! They could equally say it’s the longest, the shortest, the crappiest…

Favourite bit: The werewolf riding the motorbike near the end.

IMDB LINK

AKA 2000 Maniacs



1964, Directed by Herschell G. Lewis

Whichever way you cut it, that’s a whole lot of maniacs.

A kind of psychotic Brigadoon, Two Thousand Maniacs! features a town of ghosts which appear every 100 years in order to slaughter passers-by. And very inventive methods of slaughter they use too - one poor chap is sealed in a nail-lined barrel and rolled down a hill.

This movie gives further proof that old horror film makers didn’t know what colour blood is. It also features the world’s most unconvincing large rock.

Favourite bit: The old man in the hat (The Mayor?) joyously burning a piece of paper in a lamp, with no explanation given whatsoever.

IMDB LINK

1975, Directed by William Girdler

Asylums are bad enough as it is, but asylums of Satan? They’re the worst kind!

Recycled footage and dull love scenes water down this trailer considerably. I can’t help feeling that the music is far too funky - “Funky Asylum of Satan” would be a better title, though.

Not-quite-cameos: One of the police-types running around near the end looks a bit like Columbo, and the false-bearded demonic psychiatrist sounds exactly like Agent Smith from the Matrix.

Favourite bit: The face of the Devil Beast near the end. They really weren’t trying too hard, were they?

IMDB LINK

1972, Directed by John Cardos

An early attempt at comedy horror! Although there isn’t much comedy evident in the trailer. Does the shocked photo of a sailor count?

Presumably the titular Undertaker tries to drum up business by sending out his “Pals” to murder people. I can’t imagine dipping people in acid and sticking corpses through a meat grinder did much to promote a positive image of his business, however.

In the unlikely event that you want to get hold of this film on DVD I strongly recommend you get it as part of the “Flesh Feast” set which features four movies and, bizarrely, sells for eight times less than The Undertaker… on it’s own.

Favourite bit: The voice-over from the “Producer”.

IMDB LINK

AKA House of Evil, Cry Demon



1978, Directed by Gus Trikonis

Some fairly standard haunted house antics on show here. The Devil’s living in the basement or something, and his infinite wickedness manifests in ways that require very little special effects.

I can’t imagine that there are many actual frights in the movie. The last part of the trailer consists almost entirely of a bearded man sliding about which doesn’t bode well. And if the appalling ‘ghost’ that appears in the corridor is a good indication of the special effects on offer, you’ll see better defined images by applying pressure to your eyeballs.

Favourite bit: “When you think you’re free… You might be dead!” Nope, pretty sure you’re not dead if you’re thinking. Cogito Ergo Sum and all that…

IMDB LINK

AKA Rabbits



1972, Directed by William F. Claxton

Giant mutant rabbits - The worst nightmare of a lettuce farmer. Pity they don’t actually show you any in the trailer. (Giant rabbits, not lettuce farmers. Although frankly any addition would be an improvement.)

Would this strangely empty trailer actually convince anyone to watch the film? It shows nothing of interest except a few corpses and a scared truck driver. And that effect with the repeating rabbit’s eyes is really overdone.

There are actually some famous people in this one! Prolific leading man Stuart Whitman, slightly less prolific leading man Rory Calhoun, Psycho shower victim Janet Leigh, and the mighty DeForest Kelly - the Star Trek actor with the most ecologically unsound name. I have no idea how they ended up in this. I can’t imagine a horror movie featuring bunny rabbits was a popular script.

Pointless coincidence trivia: Paul Fix, who plays the Sheriff, took the part of the medical officer in the second pilot for Star Trek. The medical officer in the full series was, of course, ‘Bones’ McCoy - played by DeForest Kelly.

Favourite bit: When the voice-over carefully pronounces ‘mutant’ as “mew-tant”, which is how it was pronounced in cheapo sci-fi classic This Island Earth.

IMDB LINK

1959, Directed by Ray Kellogg

Shrews are tiny little rodents with a slightly amusing name. Who thought it would be a good idea to make a film about how terrifying they are? Apparently Jay Simms did, as he wrote this.

The special effects really let this one down. The giant killer shrews are obviously just dogs with rugs thrown over them, and the model used for the close-up is unbelievably bad. I did like the shrieking sounds, though. And how can you not love a film which contains the line “The shrews were out there! I couldn’t take the chance!”

Also: I presume the word “What” is missing from the very start of this trailer. Although as it stands, “Could be more terrifying” is a fairly accurate description.

Favourite bit: The close-up of the Killer Shrew’s face as it comes through a door. Classic.

IMDB LINK

AKA Return of the Aliens: The Deadly Spawn, The Alien’s Deadly Spawn



1983, Directed by Douglas McKeown

“The film real science fiction fans have been waiting for!” That’s what we call a lie.

The Deadly Spawn was a fairly dire attempt to cash-in on the success of Alien if the voice-over and the alternate titles are to be believed. You certainly wouldn’t ascertain that fact from the footage.

There are a couple of nice set pieces in the trailer - the ‘inside the monster’s head’ camera angle, and the silly dismembered arm joke. But despite all the rubber monsters and blood, the most shocking aspect of this movie appears to be the acting.

Favourite bit: The old lady being bitten on the ankle by a killer space tadpole.

IMDB LINK