AKA Beasts, Island of the Twilight People



1973, Directed by Eddie Romero

Supernatural science? Aren’t those two terms mutually exclusive?

This is a hideous low-budget version of H. G. Well’s The Island of Dr. Moreau, and it really isn’t afraid to show it. Crappy prosthetics, gaudy red blood, rubbish fangs and constant stock animal noises are all in evidence. They must have spent most of the budget on Pam Grier.

Not much imagination went into this trailer. “Let’s splice together all the bits where people are hit with the butt of a rifle! That’ll get the punters in!” Some nice alliteration in the voice-over though.

The bat man (called “Darmo” apparently) is rapidly becoming one of my favourite characters ever. He’s like Dracula envisioned by a five-year-old.

Favourite bit: The bat man’s wonderfully unconvincing flight.

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AKA H. G. Wells’ Food of the Gods



1976, Directed by Bert I. Gordon

“Where does fiction end and reality begin?” Hint: Reality begins after all the giant chickens have gone.

Trailer Club favourite and size disparity specialist Bert I. Gordon presents another tale of wrongly-dimensioned things. Mostly big rats hassling people in shabby farmhouses, by the looks of it.

This trailer has a pretty strange format. It goes HG WELLS PROMO - BIG ANIMALS ATTACK - BIT OF TALKING - BIG ANIMALS ATTACK - BIG ANIMALS ATTACK - REQUEST FOR SEX - BIG ANIMALS ATTACK. Not sure what to make of that, to be honest.

“Will H. G. Wells most frightening prediction in ‘The Food of the Gods’ also prove accurate?” asks the voice-over bloke. As the only prediction we’ve seen is extremely silly, it’s fairly safe to say no…

Favourite bit: The giant mouse/rat at 1 minute in, which growls like a dog for some reason.

IMDB LINK

1977, Directed by Herb Robins

Ugh. “I know! Let’s make a movie where loads of people eat worms! Real worms! Hahahaha!” You’d expect anyone saying that to sober up and forget about it, not make the damn film.

Not that you’d know from the trailer, but the plot involves a magical worm-controlling hermit hiding said annelids in a town’s food. The consumers then turn into half-worm creatures, and thus come under the control of the hermit.

Produced by Ted V. Mikels, one of the godfathers of slightly crappy cinema, this effort mixes gratuitous real-life worm murder with z-grade special effects to create something deeply pointless. The Worm Eaters frequently features on lists of the worst movies ever made, and it’s not hard to see why…

Favourite bit: The half-worm people - they’ve just got their legs in sleeping bags.

IMDB LINK

1957, Directed by Roger Corman
Attack of the Crab Monsters seems to do exactly what the title implies…

B-Movie maestro Roger Corman provides giant crab-related shocks on a remote island. And the crabs look pretty good, considering it was made fifty years ago on a tiny budget.

Something not obvious from the trailer is that the crabs talk, and apparently one has a French accent. It’s got to be worth a watch if only for that.

Favourite bit: All the parts with the giant crabs.

IMDB LINK

AKA Rabbits



1972, Directed by William F. Claxton

Giant mutant rabbits - The worst nightmare of a lettuce farmer. Pity they don’t actually show you any in the trailer. (Giant rabbits, not lettuce farmers. Although frankly any addition would be an improvement.)

Would this strangely empty trailer actually convince anyone to watch the film? It shows nothing of interest except a few corpses and a scared truck driver. And that effect with the repeating rabbit’s eyes is really overdone.

There are actually some famous people in this one! Prolific leading man Stuart Whitman, slightly less prolific leading man Rory Calhoun, Psycho shower victim Janet Leigh, and the mighty DeForest Kelly - the Star Trek actor with the most ecologically unsound name. I have no idea how they ended up in this. I can’t imagine a horror movie featuring bunny rabbits was a popular script.

Pointless coincidence trivia: Paul Fix, who plays the Sheriff, took the part of the medical officer in the second pilot for Star Trek. The medical officer in the full series was, of course, ‘Bones’ McCoy - played by DeForest Kelly.

Favourite bit: When the voice-over carefully pronounces ‘mutant’ as “mew-tant”, which is how it was pronounced in cheapo sci-fi classic This Island Earth.

IMDB LINK