AKA Project Genocide, War of the Aliens, Alien Encounter



1977, Directed by Ed Hunt

Not just one invasion, but several! At least you get your money’s worth.

So… the Forces from the Black Void have fairly simple-looking flying saucers and astonishingly appalling dress sense. But at least they can “communicate with time”, whatever that means.

This was released about six months after Star Wars - It’s not hard to see why Starship Invasions disappeared in the shadow of it. Those silver ‘robots’ would have been an embarrassment at a school play.

Apparently Christopher Lee plays the villain in this. Pity they didn’t show him in the trailer (unless that’s his eyes 15 seconds in).

Favourite bit: The robot falling down the shaft.

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AKA Deranged: The Confessions of a Necrophile



1974, Directed by Jeff Gillen & Alan Ormsby

Apparently it’s ‘too late to scream’, but that doesn’t stop the women in this trailer. Don’t they listen to the voice-over?

There’s some deeply unpleasant stuff with corpses going on in this one. But more unpleasant still is that it’s based loosely on the real-life story of notorious American murderer Ed Gein - in fact several sources describe it as the most accurate cinematic portrayal of Gein’s crimes. Which doesn’t bear thinking about, frankly.

Trailer Club Inbreeding: The co-director Alan Ormsby was the chap with the pipe and crazy facial hair at the start of the trailer for Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things. He also appears in this trailer - he’s the face in the photograph during the shooting-through-the-pillow scene.

Favourite bit: The weird yell as the woman throws the old lady’s corpse at the maniac.

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1962, Directed by Ishiro Honda

Now this is what it’s all about - two blokes in rubber suits beating the crap out of each other while Tokyo falls down around them.

The King Kong suit looks a bit of an embarrassment, especially next to the rather nifty Godzilla one. Its pectoral muscles are nearly down at its waist! “Bloke from a Fancy Dress Party vs Godzilla” would be more accurate.

As with many such Japanese monster movies, the US version replaces a lot of the original scenes with localised versions. This movie takes it a bit further though - the Japanese original was a satire on commercialism, but the American release removes the humourous elements entirely. This left a much inferior, serious science fiction effort.

If you’re wondering - King Kong wins. (In both versions, despite the persistent false rumour that Godzilla wins in the original Japanese film.)

Favourite bit: “They are natural enemies.” So giant gorillas and mutant lizards are natural enemies? Who carried out the research to discover that?

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AKA Zombi 2, Zombie Flesh Eaters, Island of the Living Dead



1979, Directed by Lucio Fulci

This trailer’s soundtrack screams “Early eighties!” even louder than fluorescent socks.

Italian gore master Lucio Fulci throws more blood around in this movie than most horror directors manage in a lifetime. Not that you’d know from the trailer, which appears to be a failed attempt at ‘arty’.

This was one of the infamous ‘video nasties’ banned by on VHS by the UK in the mid-eighties. It was massively popular, however, and as such home-copied tapes were passed around so everyone could see the cool underwater bit where a zombie fights a shark. It was eventually released uncut on DVD a few years ago under the ‘Zombie Flesh Eaters’ title, showing the entirety of the infamous scene where a woman has her eye slowly gouged out by a bit of wood.

This movie isn’t a sequel to anything but was apparently released as “Zombi 2” as an attempt to cash-in on the success of Dawn of the Dead, which was released as “Zombi” in Italy. Despite Zombie being written before Dawn of the Dead. Confusing.

Favourite bit: “Barf Bag”

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1957, Directed by Roger Corman
Attack of the Crab Monsters seems to do exactly what the title implies…

B-Movie maestro Roger Corman provides giant crab-related shocks on a remote island. And the crabs look pretty good, considering it was made fifty years ago on a tiny budget.

Something not obvious from the trailer is that the crabs talk, and apparently one has a French accent. It’s got to be worth a watch if only for that.

Favourite bit: All the parts with the giant crabs.

IMDB LINK

AKA Carnage, Laser Killer



1968, Directed by Robert Hartford-Davis

I’m getting the distinct impression that no woman will dare go home alone after seeing Corruption. Maybe they could have given a hint as to what the film was about rather than repeating that over and over, interspersed with screaming.

This is one of the lower quality horror movies that Peter Cushing appeared in during the sixties. Apparently the plot is actually similar to the classic French horror Eyes without a Face - A woman has been disfigured facially and a ‘mad doctor’ murders other women in a bid to cure her.

What a terrible trailer. All hyperbole and no actual information.

Favourite bit: The bearded man drooling rice pudding.

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1958, Directed by Eugène Lourié

Wow, this ticks all the fifties monster movie boxes. A dour scientist, an inhuman brute carrying an unconscious woman, breaking glass, laser beams - it’s all here. I’m not sure what the deal is with the people standing around on a giant chessboard, though.

Some idiot decides to put some poor sod’s brain in a big metal robot thing, and the next thing you know it’s on a rampage. And has somehow acquired the ability to shoot lasers out of it’s eyes. But remember, this may soon become science fact!

Isn’t a colossus supposed to be an absolutely gigantic statue? As opposed to about 7 foot tall like the one shown here? Maybe it got special dispensation because of the eye lasers.

Against all odds, though, I think this movie looks like it might be quite good. Am I mad? Probably.

Favourite bit: The wonderfully over-the-top piano music.

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AKA Kronos: Destroyer of the Universe, Kronos: Ravager of Planets



1957, Directed by Kurt Neumann

A vanguard of sudden death! Science fiction’s biggest thrill sensation! A busload of excessive hyperbole!

So then - A giant cartoon obelisk (seemingly made out of stealth Lego) comes out of a UFO and starts draining the world’s energy. I wonder if there’s a metaphor for communism in there somewhere, as movies from the late fifties were rife with such things.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this may be a more serious science fiction film than the trailer would have us believe. I wouldn’t put any money on it, though.

Favourite bit: “Emotional Assault” - Oh, come on.

IMDB LINK

1966, Directed by Conrad Rooks

No, your speakers have not broken. There is no sound at the very start of this trailer.

Conrad Rooks wrote, directed and starred in this seemingly autobiographical tale of an extended cold turkey session, undertaken after 5 years of solid drug addiction. Sounds jolly!

I’d never heard of Rooks but he appears to have been at the heart of the sixties psychedelia scene if this movie’s cameos are anything to go by - Allen Ginsberg, Ravi Shankar and William S. Burroughs himself all appear as actors. Far out, etc.

This trailer has a distinctly art-school feel about it - I have a horrible feeling Chappaqua was some kind of trippy vanity project for Rooks. I’d lay down money that there is no coherent plot and dull, extended hallucination scenes. Hey, it did win the Silver Lion Award for pretentious self-indulgence at the Venice Film Festival…

Favourite bit: “I withdraw from the case!”

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AKA Gwendoline



1984, Directed by Just Jaeckin

Stupid title? Check. Bad acting? Check. Crap dialogue? Check. Sexist tosh? Check. Crappy sub-music-video sets? Check. Looks good? Does it Heck…

This trailer screams “eighties!” from every orifice, and not in a good way. And much of it makes no sense - what’s the deal with the grape on a string and the flying trident at the end? Why would you put such a meaningless scene into a promotional trailer? Why am I wasting time thinking about this?

This movie looks like a complete pile of steaming horse excrement. I’m not sure I can think of anything I’d like to see less than this. I think this may count as an anti-trailer, in fact.

Favourite bit: The title.

IMDB LINK